just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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