Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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