She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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