Define "chronic" masturbator.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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