i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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