I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
