Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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