i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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