Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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