how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
