I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
