its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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