she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize