He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
