She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
