Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
