No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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