Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The air was thick with penises
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
