she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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