he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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