how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
