i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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