Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
