I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
