Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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