a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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