Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love you.
Bad choice
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