You're so nebulous sometimes
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
