I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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