help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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