Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
