So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
