just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Houston, we have a blender
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
