its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
