Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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