He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
