I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
