like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
