I just cut my nipple shaving
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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