We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
