They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
