i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
