my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
