I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
