guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
