Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
