I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pants are for mortals
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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