Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
