dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
