Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
did i just pee glitter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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