Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
third nipple confirmed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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