Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
