Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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