I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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