Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As shirtless as possible
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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