what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
