whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
