Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
