How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
