sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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