Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
