YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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