He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
