I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
