I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
