i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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