I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
