I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
