She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
