It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
