I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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