$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize