i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
