Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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