he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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