just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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