i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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