before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
