Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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