I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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