She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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