Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
