i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
