Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
