this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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