you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
