I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
