I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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