That's when you crack a 10am beer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
