forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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