Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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