The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
