if i can run in heels then i can drive
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
