if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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