I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
