now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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